Never a Dull Moment

If you and I sat down and had a heartfelt conversation about all of the happenings lately, you probably wouldn’t even believe it.

I can’t believe it myself.

On May 21^st, my 15 year-old son was messing around at school, like normal teenagers do. He was probably being a little careless. And wouldn’t you know it, the rolling ladder he was playing around on became off-balance, and it fell on top of his arm, snapping the two bones in his forearm like brittle wooden sticks.

He began yelling for my husband, and when he got to the hallway and asked what happened, Caleb said, “There is no time for questions! I broke my arm and need to go to the emergency room!” So, he made arrangements for his classes, got into the car and called me at work.

I’m unsuspectingly going about my day. I had walked away from my desk and phone for a few minutes, and when I got back, I saw that Jim had called. I called him back. When he said that Caleb broke his arm, he was taking him to the ER, and I asked how that happened, he said this…

“This is no time for questions! What ER do I take him to?”

Flustered, I told him I’d call him back. I fumbled around for my insurance card and

online and had no luck. I finally called the clinic and was told to take him to a free-standing ER.

I called Jim back and told him where to go. I walked around the office and told everyone what happened and called my mother, who asked if I was going to the ER. I guess I hadn’t even though of it at that point.

Anyway, my boss let me leave, and Jonah and I met them at the ER.

Sure enough, his arm was broken. He would require surgery. And it was a good thing the backpack was on the floor where his head fell, or else…

 

Unbelievable!

When a family is going through such a shock, and your child needs surgery, you probably aren’t thinking of the financial obligations that are going to arise because of it. Until the surgeon’s office charges you his portion of the surgery. And the surgery center calls and says you are required to pay $2,500 the day of the surgery. All I could say was, “What?”

This was not an elective surgery, as you can see. His arm HAD to be fixed. With plates and screws. It wasn’t an easy fix with just setting it. He has metal in his body now. He has laughed about what will happen at airports, and I’m thinking, “When do you fly?”

 

 

 

 

In the meantime, my washing machine, which has been with us for 12 years and has probably washed over 20,000 loads of laundry (with a family of 7 people), decided to die over that weekend. And I had to visit the laundromat twice. Very glad I had help from two of my kids.

 

 

As you can see, they were very thrilled, but I paid them back by taking them to Braum's. So there!

We had to buy a new washing machine... right in the midst of this medical stuff. But it's pretty!

 

Then, 8 hours away from us, my 8 year-old nephew contracted walking pneumonia and has been in the hospital for the week. My brother and his wife just had a new baby not even three weeks ago, and their family is separated due to the contagious nature of the pneumonia. And their daughter is staying with someone else. Because they have house issues, too.

My mom is the middle-man, the relayer-of-information. I call her, and she calls my sister and brother. My brother calls her, and she calls me and my sister, etc. I’m sure it is so hard for her and my dad standing by while all of these things are going on with all of us.

The surgery went well and was almost 2 weeks ago, Caleb gets his stitches removed on Monday. Our 18 year-old son graduates from high school on Tuesday, and I’m sure I will be a mess.

The really odd thing about all of this is I have not cried. Now, I’m not saying I haven’t been teary-eyed at times, but I have held my emotions in and held myself together. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing. While listening to a gospel channel on Sirius in the car one morning this week, I heard a song I haven’t heard in a long time called “When God Ran.” Look it up if you want, but be prepared for a tear-jerking song.

I thought I would be okay, but I wasn’t. When I felt the “ugly cry” come over my face, I threw my hand over my mouth and stopped it in its tracks. I just didn’t have time for it. Is it bad that I’ve been able to keep my emotions in check during all of this?

I don’t know. But I am thankful Caleb is okay. And I’m thankful that my nephew is getting better.

I’m sure one of these nights, I’m probably going to cry and not be able to stop for a while. I hope it’s not graduation night.

In all of these things, I'm very grateful I have a God whom I can count on. I have run to Him more times than I can count over the last couple of weeks, and I truly believe He has listened with caring and compassion towards me and my family. And honestly, He really probably is the only reason I have stayed strong throughout these trials.

We Miss American Idol Already

I’m already missing my friends on American Idol.

We have not watched every season of AI, and we didn’t watch last year’s season at all (Season 12). We weren’t too thrilled about the addition of the, AHEM, women judges, so we opted out.

This season, however, was very different.

We watched every. single. episode.

One of my favorite aspects this year had nothing to do with the talent of the contestants. It had everything to do with the judges. There was something so awesome about the trio of JLo, Harry, and Keith Urban (you always have to say his last name because it’s very cool). They were really very fascinating. The way Harry added his expertise of music... And, if I can give my opinion, I think this was the best judging panel EVER. Then, add Randy and Ryan into the mix… We thought it was great!

When they were starting with 15 guys/15 girls, we had the winners pegged. It really wasn’t that difficult to see the most talented, but we did go back and forth about who was going to win – Caleb, Jena, or Alex. They were all so different and all so very good. While watching the finale, it was easy to see who was the best-of-the-best.

We heard criticism of this year’s contestants from many on social media. They said the contestants weren’t talented at all, boring, etc.

Our family found them to be completely opposite.

I think my very favorite part about American Idol is that our family sits down together every time it’s on and watches it together. We laugh, shout, and clap. Together. When you have kids who are growing up so fast, it's a blessing that you can all find something to watch together.

We hope the team of judges stay together for the next season. I can’t imagine any other group of judges being that great. The number they all sang together… Whoa! That was fantastic, and I probably enjoyed that performance most of all in the finale (but Alex and Jason Mraz came in a close second). 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO2E3FUQYxc 

7 months, People!

And the Hammers will be waiting.

Finally! Book Review on No More Perfect Kids

“Children have no control over their ability. They do have control over how they use their ability – and that’s a matter of character” (Savage, Jill and Kathy Koch. No More Perfect Kids, pg. 206).

I have been blessed to be a part of the launch team for Jill Savage and Kathy Koch’s new book, No More Perfect Kids. These ladies are phenomenal in their writing and encouragement to parents everywhere. This is not just a book for moms; it’s for anyone who parents children.

I think it’s easy sometimes to forget that your children are little people with minds and emotions. We want the best for them, we want them to be so much more than we were, and in doing that, we can have very unrealistic expectations of them. This book answers questions of how to show our children that we love them, that they are important to us, and guiding them to find their purpose in life. Not only are the chapters honest and easy to understand, the appendix gives valuable and usable information that parents can use in practical ways. For example, there is a chapter called “Character Qualities to Develop in Your Children.” How helpful! It puts words to the thoughts and goals we have, but this book provides realistic ways to act.

Obviously, Jill and Dr. Kathy have a heart for parents and kids, and it comes through in the material they’ve written so eloquently. This book does not make any accusations of parents’ mistakes in raising their children, but it does cause parents to think about the ways in which they engage with their children. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve made many parenting blunders, and I’m grateful to know that there’s a way to change and repair what might have been broken by my own hand.

I wrote an email to Jill after reading No More Perfect Moms, and I was asked if she could use it for this book. I said yes, so my story is written, too. It was a tough time for me, but what healing came knowing I’m not alone.

We all have parenting stories of not knowing what to do, but if you will read this book, I can say that if something starts to go awry, or you think, “I don’t know what to do in this situation,” the concepts written here just may come to the forefront of your mind and give you hope, too.

I definitely recommend that all parents read this book cover to cover. It’s helpful, insightful, and encouraging.

(This was my posted review, and I believe every word I wrote. Buy this book! You won't be disappointed - you should also get No More Perfect Moms. It's awesome, too!)

The Middle Ground

My babies turned 14 yesterday. 

My oldest son is 19. 

 

I wonder sometimes if I have been the best mother I could have been for them. 

I know I’m guilty of trying to make them perfect little followers. It all started when they were born, really. Clean little boys with cute clothes and perfect smiles. That might have worked perfectly when they were little.

No more.

I love the personalities they’ve developed over the years, in spite of me. Of course, each of them has different temperaments. They are more or less of many wonderful characteristics, and to say I’m proud of the men they are becoming doesn’t even touch the surface of how I feel. I love them so deeply, even more than I ever thought I would.

 

They aren’t perfect young men, but they are progressing.

I’m reading the book, “No More Perfect Kids,” and the resounding message is just that. Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch say this about perfection and failure: “However extremes aren’t where real life takes place. The middle ground of grace is where we need to plant ourselves and our kids. After all, progress is the goal. It’s not at all about being perfect but it is about being perfected by the God who has a plan for our lives.”

Progress.

I might, or might not (yeah, right!) put this pressure on myself. I mean, I’ve read “No More Perfect Moms,” too, and it did resonate very loudly with me. I realize that I am trying to perfect something in my life that is not where I really want to be. I have been beating my head against the wall to excel and move forward in something I don’t believe is my calling. I can tell you that it doesn’t work and tends to strip away hope from your life.

It can even make you feel like a failure.

I’ve been telling my oldest son to take a look at his gifts, talents, etc., and figure out what he wants to do with his life. In encouraging him to do that, I’ve also explored my own life. I went back to something I gave up on a long time ago… something that has given me great hope and excitement as I pursue it. We’ll see what doors are opened, and if they are closed, I’ll have to look at myself again. 

It’s funny how the everyday and mundane can zap the dreams and creativity that used to be present and exist so deeply in your heart and soul.

What will happen if you don’t take a chance? You’ll never know if you could have done it.

“Progress is the goal.”

Thank you for the reminder, Jill Savage, and Dr. Kathy. 

 

Perfection and the Truth

Reading some more of the book, No More Perfect Kids, there was a part that really stuck out for me.

Jill was writing about being able to take care of the physical pain of her children, but not being able to address their emotional pain, as she hasn’t always been able “to tend to my own emotional pain.”

I’m a counselor and sociologist at heart, so I want to know what makes people tick. I also want people to know that their lives can be changed for the better because I’m a living, breathing example of that. However, there were many years when I shoved my pain way down deep inside until it couldn’t be contained any longer.

Whether or not my parents had perfectionistic expectations of me, I saw them as such. I saw them never really accepting me for who I was, and nothing I did was ever good enough. Sometimes I still go back to that if I’m going to see them, but those times are lessening over the years.

I believe I wanted my kids to be perfect because I saw other mothers whose kids were. Of course, we all know that was just a lie because no one is perfect. But when you are getting up at 6am and shepherding 5 boys each morning, it can be exhausting. And when they don’t listen and/or argue, it’s a hundred times harder.

I was thinking about this, though. I know I wasn’t scared of having so many kids. I loved it! I felt so blessed, considering there was a possibility I couldn’t have ANY. And God gave me 5. I think the Endometriosis was an instrument, if you will, that was used to prevent me from having any children with my abusive first husband.

And then I was healed.

When Jesse and Isaac were only 3 months old, and all of my kids were 5 years old and under, I submitted a proposal to our pastor to start a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) program at church. And he approved it! So, I worked on getting the ladies for the Steering Team. I already had them in mind, so it wasn’t difficult. We went live with the group in August, just 2 months after submitting the proposal. And also in August, I began my job as Children’s Director (part-time) at church. And Noah started Kindergarten.

It sounds so crazy that I was so busy like that. But it was wonderful. Being on the Steering Team helped me see that we all have to work together in life, and you can never have too many people to love your kids. 

And keep you in check.

I also realized that the kids I thought were perfect… weren’t. And neither were their mothers.

And that fact was an awesome find.

(The grandparents of the boy on the right lived in our neighborhood, and he just wanted to be in the picture since he was at our house.)