The Christmas Season

Because it’s the Christmas season, I would like to give you a dose of cheer.

But I can’t today. I’m feeling a little down. Okay, a lot.

So, how about a dose of reality instead?

If I were you, I would say, “No, thank you!”

If anyone is even reading further, I would strongly request of you to exhibit some caring and compassion for others, especially during this holiday season. While your life might be wonderful, with all of your Christmas dreams coming true, you don’t know what battles others are fighting.

Grief.

Depression.

Financial pressure.

Guilt.

Shame.

Missing someone.

Feeling unloved.

Feeling alone.

Feeling like a loser…

Every year, I have these great hopes and dreams of a “perfect” Christmas with my family. Unfortunately, it never goes the way I have planned.

Oh, I wish I had a big, beautiful Christmas tree, decked out in ornaments and ribbon… lovely lights and a sparkly star at the top. We would have at least ten wrapped presents for each of our kids (so, 50 of them), and maybe a diamond necklace for me, and something great for Jim.

Things might seem to be going well through the year, and I begin to think it really might happen “this year.” And then, as we inch closer to the day…

BAM!

One car breaks down… or maybe, both.

Every. Single. Year.

Another year without a Christmas tree. I kept thinking I would get one on sale, but it was never “the right time.” And now we are without one again.

And year after year, and after spending hundreds of dollars in car repairs, there is, or will be, no money left for Christmas presents for my kids or us. Just enough for the necessities, like rent, groceries, utility bills and insurance payments.

After reading this, I sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself. And maybe I am. I just don’t understand why it has to be this way every year…

Also, I might be in a “funk” today because I woke up with a bad headache, or maybe it’s because of some harsh words that were spoken to me, or maybe because my car needs repairs that will cost close to $1,000. Granted, we weren’t planning on spending thousands on Christmas gifts. But now we need to find some way to fix our car, so I can drive to work.

It’s a lot of pressure to put on someone… the commercial meaning of Christmas.

So I have spent the majority of the day today telling myself what a loser I am. How I am a horrible mother, and my kids would be better off with a mother does everything for them and lets them sit around and play video games all day. A mother who doesn’t get upset when someone argues with her. A mother who smiles all the time and acts like all is well, even when it’s not.

It’s funny how things can be going along just fine, and then something sends you into a tailspin, causing you to blame yourself for everything that has happened… and it wasn’t even your fault.

It wasn’t my fault my car needs to be repaired. It’s because it’s a 2006 model that is getting older with more mileage.

It wasn’t my fault that someone spoke harsh words to me. There are kind ways to talk to people so they don’t feel they’ve been attacked.

So, after all of it, I picked myself up and tried to get rid of the headache. I didn’t speak many words because I felt that if I did, it wouldn’t be good. I did cry. The problem was that, once I started crying, I almost couldn’t stop.

I can’t even say now that I feel fine because I really don’t.

But, again, I would really request, beg of you, please make the decision to speak life to your loved ones, and even those you don’t know. They need it. They need someone to care and wrap their arms around them and understand what they are going through.

And maybe that person who is feeling bad is YOU. So if it is, please know you aren’t alone right now. I’m thinking about all of us who are having a rough time, and I’m hoping and praying that it doesn’t last for long.

Here are a links to my favorite Christmas songs. Maybe listening to them will encourage you.

"One Last Christmas" by Matthew West:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBjr2P9_6Yc

"Christmas is all in the Heart" by Steven Curtis Chapman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvBDrwser8k

"Home for Christmas" by Steven Curtis Chapman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykX3Xu9fuqA

I actually feel a little better after writing this blog post...

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18, New Living Translation)

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, New International Version)

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21, New Living Translation)

(Disclaimer: Yes, I do know what the real meaning of Christmas is... It's the commercial meaning of Christmas that's getting me down.)