Choices and Consequences

From other blog - (June, 2011)

Growing up is so hard.  Disciplining your children is hard, too.  I think it's worse when they get older.  When they are little, you can "make" them go to bed, go to their rooms, spank them if you do that, etc.  When they get older and make bad decisions, the trickle down effect of those decisions is painful, at best, for both child and parent.

My son has made some bad decisions in the last few weeks.  The trouble is he is a good liar.  I am a good lie detector, but he fools even me.  I don't really worry when my kids who are bad liars tell lies because I know they will be found out.  However, the good liar has his suave ways of skirting around things... for a time.

Unfortunately, the consequences of one bad decision, or even two, can harm future privileges.  You would think that he would know this!  Tonight, he had a crying meltdown.  The horrible thing was all I could do was stand there and snicker (I know; I'm a terrible mother!), really just laugh in disbelief, that he was so upset at the consequences of his behavior, like we would trust him so soon after the last incident (two days ago).

I feel bad for them, you know?  I remember being young, making stupid decisions and getting caught.  I remember I received no mercy from my parents, but I do give (sometimes a heaping mound) much grace to my kids.  I know they think I'm mean, maybe that I don't remember what it was like growing up.  The thing I try to tell them is that I DO remember growing up.  Yes, some of the things I did were so ridiculous, as I was a terrible liar, but they don't seem to be as serious as what is going on in the world with our children today.

For instance, we didn't have cell phones back then.  In fact, we were only allowed rotary phones in our small town.  So, my parents placed a push button phone in my room.  I could not dial out, but I could talk on it.  Didn't really help much when I was trying to make late night phone calls and got caught in the kitchen dialing on the gold rotary phone!

I also never cut classes at school.  We lived two blocks from the school, and there was no place to go.  I knew my mom would have found out, and I would have been in severe trouble.

But when it came right down to it, I did the wrong things over and over again.  Sometimes I was caught, and sometimes I wasn't.  I think maybe they just picked their battles or maybe the situation was too volatile.  I don't really know.  What I do know is that being a parent is just so difficult at times.  There are sometimes that I just want to say, "Well, okay, we'll let you off of your grounding, just this once..." But we have been burned before, in fact, just recently, by that, and I doubt that will happen again.

I told him earlier that this should be a lesson that things that seem to be pleasurable but are the wrong things to do will turn around and bite you in the behind.  Then, you are stuck with the consequences of what you have done.  And sometimes the people you care about, your friends and family, will also have to deal with the consequences... like you not getting to fly on a plane to see your friend.  A trip that you have been waiting for since last summer.  And your friend is very angry right now because he sees that it wasn't important enough for you to be good.

Things like that.

I wish that we could just take pain away from them at times, but this, unfortunately, is learning 101.  Not fun, but necessary in the lessons of maturity, responsibility and life.