My
dad told me something when I was a teenaged girl. “Don’t ever loan, or give
money to ANY boy.”
And
I can still hear the words that echoed through my brain. “Whatever, Dad!”
I
gave a boy money. Furthermore, I paid to support a boy for several years while
he drank and hurled insults at me… in fact, he almost killed me with his
tantrums and rage.
I
wish I never would have given him money.
There
have been things that my parents said to me that I have always vowed to never,
ever, ever (!) say to my kids. Ever. But I find myself thinking them. And some
things come flying out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Get
my point?
It’s
more than frustrating!
My
oldest son is 18 years old now, soon to be 19. He’s thinking about moving out
with a guy he’s known for less than 2 months… a guy who can’t keep a job and
has had over 4 jobs in this time period. A guy who has accepted money offered from my
sweet 18 year-old young man because he felt sorry for what the guy was going
through. A guy who is planning on moving into an apartment with his girlfriend
and wants my son to be the third person… moving my son over 20 miles from his
work, and he doesn’t have a car.
Please
don’t get me wrong. I am a very compassionate person, but I have also been
through a lot in my life because I am
a compassionate person. I have been homeless for a short period and had to rely
on the kindness of a friend. All because I thought it most important to stay
with a man who beat me up whenever he felt like it. All because I didn’t want
to be wrong.
I
truly do believe God has great plans for my kids, and Jim and I have been very
honest about the mistakes we have made. We hoped that they would see value in
learning from our lapses in judgment and wouldn’t do the same thing. We hope to
impart wisdom to them and want them to know that God promises to give wisdom to
anyone who asks without finding fault (James 1:5-8).
Being
a parent is so hard! Letting go is excruciating when you believe that your child
isn’t ready for the world that awaits them.
And
it’s heartbreaking when they aren’t hearing you.
I
keep praying that God will guide his steps.
And
I’m praying for myself that I won’t say anything that will damage our
relationship as I’m learning to let him grow up and find his way. I want him to
be able to make wise decisions, and I guess if he isn’t able to ever make those
decisions, how will he learn?
I
sure do love him and don’t want him to get hurt.
That
is just unrealistic, but I wish it wasn’t.
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