It’s
been really easy this week to forget my post from last time…
God
loves my kids more than I do.
Without
embarrassing my kids on here, which is not my intent, I can’t really say
exactly what transpired this week. What I will say is this: My heart didn’t
handle it well.
I
have come to this conclusion on more than one occasion, though.
PARENTING
IS HARD!
The
word “hard doesn’t even describe it sometimes.
I
want my kids to love God and make wise choices. That does not mean they will.
And I have to say that it’s very disappointing when they don’t.
Jim
is more “even” when it comes to what happens. I told him he doesn’t know what
it’s like to be a Mom. I feel responsible for them, even though they are
getting older. And I think I feel like a bit of a failure as a parent when they
make unwise decisions.
I
realize that is not the truth because, although I have made many parenting
blunders, my kids KNOW that they know that I love them. And that is very
important.
My
head knows the truth, but sometimes my heart feels things. It feels the sting
of rejection (of my goals for them). The heart isn’t always logical; at least I
know mine isn’t.
I
am sure my parents went through such heartbreak knowing/thinking about what my
abusive first husband did to me. But they had to sit back and wait for me to
make a wise decision to get out.
I
am grateful I have someone to lean on during these times.
I
made a very wise decision today for this Momma, and I had a massage. My back
has been killing me while carrying the weight of the burdens that should be
thrown off and given to God. While I was lying in the massage bed, I started
praying immediately. But it wasn’t long until I was doing my deep breathing
exercises because it hurt so badly. By the time the therapist was finished, I
could hardly walk in a straight line. It’s amazing how much better I feel.
I
went to the store, and then I ordered new glasses.
I
had a lot of time alone today, and it made me evaluate where I am in my life. I
am not taking very good care of this person who is supposed to be taking care
of everyone else.
So
I had a massage, bought some perfume, and ordered new glasses. All this was for
me.
I
don’t feel selfish at all.
Last
night, my favorite acronym, H.A.L.T., came to mind. Don’t make any decisions
when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I have been all of those. However,
at this moment, I am none of those.
So,
I’m going to bed at a decent time tonight, and I’m not going to pick up my
burdens.
“…weeping
may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b)
“Wait
for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)
“Have
I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord
your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
