Perfection and the Truth

Reading some more of the book, No More Perfect Kids, there was a part that really stuck out for me.

Jill was writing about being able to take care of the physical pain of her children, but not being able to address their emotional pain, as she hasn’t always been able “to tend to my own emotional pain.”

I’m a counselor and sociologist at heart, so I want to know what makes people tick. I also want people to know that their lives can be changed for the better because I’m a living, breathing example of that. However, there were many years when I shoved my pain way down deep inside until it couldn’t be contained any longer.

Whether or not my parents had perfectionistic expectations of me, I saw them as such. I saw them never really accepting me for who I was, and nothing I did was ever good enough. Sometimes I still go back to that if I’m going to see them, but those times are lessening over the years.

I believe I wanted my kids to be perfect because I saw other mothers whose kids were. Of course, we all know that was just a lie because no one is perfect. But when you are getting up at 6am and shepherding 5 boys each morning, it can be exhausting. And when they don’t listen and/or argue, it’s a hundred times harder.

I was thinking about this, though. I know I wasn’t scared of having so many kids. I loved it! I felt so blessed, considering there was a possibility I couldn’t have ANY. And God gave me 5. I think the Endometriosis was an instrument, if you will, that was used to prevent me from having any children with my abusive first husband.

And then I was healed.

When Jesse and Isaac were only 3 months old, and all of my kids were 5 years old and under, I submitted a proposal to our pastor to start a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) program at church. And he approved it! So, I worked on getting the ladies for the Steering Team. I already had them in mind, so it wasn’t difficult. We went live with the group in August, just 2 months after submitting the proposal. And also in August, I began my job as Children’s Director (part-time) at church. And Noah started Kindergarten.

It sounds so crazy that I was so busy like that. But it was wonderful. Being on the Steering Team helped me see that we all have to work together in life, and you can never have too many people to love your kids. 

And keep you in check.

I also realized that the kids I thought were perfect… weren’t. And neither were their mothers.

And that fact was an awesome find.

(The grandparents of the boy on the right lived in our neighborhood, and he just wanted to be in the picture since he was at our house.)

 

A Great Weekend is Like a Breath of Fresh Air

My husband and I have had the best weekend.

Our 17 year-old-soon-to-be-18-year-old son asked if we would like to go with him and his girlfriend to see Winter’s Tale for Valentine’s Day. Of course, he doesn’t have a car and can’t drive… But we, of course, said yes. And his 19 year-old brother and his girlfriend went, too.

We had a wonderful time hanging out with these young men and their dates. 

 

We went to the early movie, and Jonah mentioned that Quik Trip would be a good place to get something to eat. So, there you go. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the Flex watching a full orange/red moon come up while Jim was putting the gas in.

 

The kids were like, "Ah, another picture????"

 

 (And the movie was fantastic, so go see it!)

 

My boys weren’t embarrassed to spend the night with their parents. And neither were their girls.

Isn’t that great?

We didn’t even get home until after midnight. Mom and Dad were a little exhausted, but it was definitely worth it.

Yesterday, we went to lunch with our friends. They only live an hour away, so we try to meet in the middle. Unfortunately, it’s been over a year since we’ve actually gone to lunch or dinner together! Time goes by in the blink of an eye, and that’s the only excuse I have.

Last night, Jim and I went to see Ragamuffin – The Rich Mullins film. It was very thought-provoking, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who has heard of him or listened to any of Rich Mullins’ music. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but there are some elements that will pierce your soul (if you have one!).

I’ve had my share of rotten Valentine’s Days, but this one was very nice.

The Excitement of Learning

I was chosen to be on the launch team for Jill Savage and Kathy Koch’s new book, “No More Perfect Kids.” While reading the review copy, it didn’t take long for me to be struck by something very important.

They’re writing about not expecting perfection when children are learning.

“We know error-free walking is the goal. Perfection can’t be the journey.”

Jill and Kathy write that we brag about our babies when they’re learning to walk, and we don’t expect them to walk perfectly the first time.

The question is in my mind then… Why do we expect them to make good decisions when they’ve never made these types of decisions before?

Learning is just part of the gig.

And we, as parents, should really pray for wisdom. The great thing is God will give it to us if we ask.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” (James 1:5-8 NIV)

And this is true for our kids, too. If they ask God for wisdom in their decisions, He will also grant it to them.

It’s just tough when our kids don’t ask Him.

So, we continue on our journey with accepting our kids for who they are because the same God who made me and you made them.

And He makes no mistakes.

They Chose Me!

I made it! I was chosen!

As you might remember, I was on the launch team for Jill Savage’s book, No More Perfect Moms. I have also been chosen for the launch team for her new book, written with Kathy Koch, No More Perfect Kids!

I can’t even tell you how excited I am about this. It’s great to be in a community with other parents.

I will be blogging my way through the book with my first entry very soon.

Watch for it!

What Day is It, Anyway?

We’re meeting ourselves coming and going.

Right now, I’m so tired, and I just want to go to bed.

It’s only 7:54 p.m.

I’m finding myself worn out, tired, exhausted.

Mentally.

Physically.

Emotionally.

I haven’t forgotten about writing, but I haven’t done it, either. It seems that I’m more worn out than usual, and I haven’t taken the time to sit down and write about my life.

I will say this, though.

It’s tough when you receive bad news regarding the health of your parents. And it’s even harder when it’s not-so-good news about more than one of your parents. And when your kids struggle, it adds to the mix.

And there’s other reasons I’m feeling defeated, but I’m not going to let those out just yet.

Let’s just say that this week, I’m going to be singing, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus love and righteousness…” (I know it’s "Jesus blood and righteousness," but for this week, it’s His love.)

So if you think about me, please pray for my family, especially my extended family. I know God hears those prayers, and I appreciate you holding us up.