God Loves My Kids - Take Two

It’s been really easy this week to forget my post from last time…

God loves my kids more than I do.

Without embarrassing my kids on here, which is not my intent, I can’t really say exactly what transpired this week. What I will say is this: My heart didn’t handle it well.

I have come to this conclusion on more than one occasion, though.

PARENTING IS HARD!

The word “hard doesn’t even describe it sometimes.

I want my kids to love God and make wise choices. That does not mean they will. And I have to say that it’s very disappointing when they don’t.

Jim is more “even” when it comes to what happens. I told him he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a Mom. I feel responsible for them, even though they are getting older. And I think I feel like a bit of a failure as a parent when they make unwise decisions.

I realize that is not the truth because, although I have made many parenting blunders, my kids KNOW that they know that I love them. And that is very important.

My head knows the truth, but sometimes my heart feels things. It feels the sting of rejection (of my goals for them). The heart isn’t always logical; at least I know mine isn’t.

I am sure my parents went through such heartbreak knowing/thinking about what my abusive first husband did to me. But they had to sit back and wait for me to make a wise decision to get out.

I am grateful I have someone to lean on during these times.

I made a very wise decision today for this Momma, and I had a massage. My back has been killing me while carrying the weight of the burdens that should be thrown off and given to God. While I was lying in the massage bed, I started praying immediately. But it wasn’t long until I was doing my deep breathing exercises because it hurt so badly. By the time the therapist was finished, I could hardly walk in a straight line. It’s amazing how much better I feel.

I went to the store, and then I ordered new glasses.

I had a lot of time alone today, and it made me evaluate where I am in my life. I am not taking very good care of this person who is supposed to be taking care of everyone else.

So I had a massage, bought some perfume, and ordered new glasses. All this was for me.

I don’t feel selfish at all.

Last night, my favorite acronym, H.A.L.T., came to mind. Don’t make any decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I have been all of those. However, at this moment, I am none of those.

So, I’m going to bed at a decent time tonight, and I’m not going to pick up my burdens.

“…weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b)

“Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

God Loves My Kids More Than I Do

Repeat after me:

God loves your kids even more than you do. God loves your kids even more than you do. God loves your kids…

This is a hard thing for me to remember when I’m worried about them and the decisions they have made/are making/will make in the future.

“It’s just that I love them so much, Lord!”

“I know you do. I love them, too.”

“But Lord, do you see what they’re doing?”

“Yes, I see them. I see you, too.”

“But Lord, I’m afraid something bad will happen!”

“Trust Me with them, Christy. You just need to trust Me.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation with Jesus, the Lord of all, about my sons. And the funny thing is my parents probably had this same conversation with Him about me.

I wouldn’t have called me a rebel, but maybe I kind of was. I thought I knew best about everything, and I didn’t ask for advice from wiser adults in my life. Oh, there were those who tried to help me, who prayed endlessly for me… And you know what? One day, I came to my senses, and I went back to church. I found love and mercy and family was waiting there for me.

But when I think about my kids and the future I wish for them, it’s so hard to be patient and remember that God has great plans for their futures, too! And it will NOT come sooner if I’m overbearing and critical of them. I don’t want to be, but I’m one to wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes my emotions get the best of me.

It’s not wrong to want more for them than what I was at that age.

I just have to trust God with them. He’s the only one who can change hearts. I don’t have that kind of power.

After all, He loves them even more than I do.

And He loves me, too.

Put an End to Domestic Violence

It is a horrible tragedy.

I’m talking about the story about Ray Rice and the video of the assault of his then-girlfriend.

She’s now said the media is to blame for her family’s problems and “accuses them of ruining their life and causing unnecessary pain and embarrassment” (http://www.aol.com/article/2014/09/09/wife-janay-rice-stands-by-former-ravens-running-back-ray-rice-in-angry-instagram-statement/20959519/). She is standing beside him during this controversy, even though SHE was the victim in the assault.

This is the theme of abusive relationships. According to the NNEDV (National Network to End Domestic Violence) website, www.nnedv.org, these are some of the “common characteristics” of abusers.

“Some of the subtle warning signs include:

They insist on moving too quickly into a relationship.

They can be very charming and may seem too good to be true.

They insist that you stop participating in leisure activities or spending time with family and friends.

They are extremely jealous or controlling.

They do not take responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that goes wrong.

They criticize their partner’s appearance and make frequent put-downs.

Their words and actions don’t match.”

Personally, I can say I’ve seen those in action, each of those… and some others.

Unfortunately, we all know that Ray Rice has probably done this before. He didn’t look horrified, upset, or even remorseful, when he drug her out of that elevator after she collapsed.

No one really knows for sure how long this has been going on, or even if it still is. Was it just a one-time loss of control with this one girl?

My ex-husband assaulted every girl with whom he had a serious relationship. He was charming and controlling. And dangerous.

And he could have killed me.

Another important fact to remember is that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she is about to leave him (I use these terms her/him, but violence can happen in any relationship).

There are several phases in the “cycle” of abuse.

1.    Tension

2.    Explosion

3.    Honeymoon

They can go on and on and on. You get the picture. That’s why it’s called “cycle.”

There are different tactics abusers use to control their victims. You can find this “wheel of abuse” at http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/.

I think maybe Janay Palmer-Rice feels guilty. Oh, yes, we all know it isn’t her fault that her then-boyfriend assaulted her. Something the whole world has now seen. But it doesn’t matter what the truth is for victims of domestic violence. They (using collectively though every situation is different) believe they can somehow change the person they love. That somehow their love is enough to change them.

That simply is not true. But they don’t know that.

You don’t truly know that until you are out of the situation.

My heart really goes out to those who are victims of any type of abuse.

There was absolutely NO help for me when I needed it. There wasn’t a shelter or hotline for me to call in 1984-1989. Law enforcement relied on the victims to file charges against their abuser. Even if there was visible evidence that someone tried to strangle you. Even if.

I’m glad things are changing. It really is about time we bring this problem to light.

And for the people who abuse others, I do have sympathy for them, too. Do you know why?

Because they were probably abused, too.

People really don’t need our judgment. They need our help.

They need our compassion and resolve that we will not abuse others.

They need to know we will stand with them when they leave their abusers.

And the abusers need to know there is help! If someone is willing to change, no matter what it takes, he/she will succeed.

If you are in trouble, make the call. Get some help. 

1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

Please.

(My story is written on my other blog at leavingdvbehind.blogspot.com).  

Gratefulness Changes Things

If we were honest, we all would say there is something to be grateful for today.

Even if you world feels hopeless. Even if you feel that you are in the dark.

There is at least ONE thing to be thankful for today.

In my life, I have seen just how looking at my life from a place of gratefulness instead of negativity can change everything.

I’m not saying that life is easy because you know that would be a lie. But being grateful takes away some pain. While it may not take it all away, it still reduces it.

So, choose just one thing to be grateful for. See how you feel!

 (This is my rule-breaking dog, who insists on sleeping on the sofa with her head on a pillow instead of on her doggie bed...)