READING CAN MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL

Reading can enhance your life. Studies show that the most successful people are the ones who read. We can learn a lot by picking up a magazine, a book, or a newspaper. I think it's great to be able to talk to others about what you read, too. Reading promotes conversation, intelligence, and knowledge. So, what are you waiting for?

I think everyone has a story to tell, and we should. For many years, I got away from writing fiction, but I have had a great time writing my first novel as an adult. Changing real-life situations into fiction helps heal the heart.

What can I say about Life? Mine has been tough at times, but I'm grateful that God has given me mercy, grace, and love. I love my life and the family I've been blessed with.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

"Unglued" by Lysa TerKeurst

Have you ever wanted to put your head inside a very large purse and just SCREAM?

Okay, I confess. I just finished this book, although our Bible study ended in January. I know I'm behind, but when I started working... Blah, blah, blah. I started working AFTER we were supposed to finish the book. So, that's really not a good excuse.

I'm not even sure what happened! Was it the depression that sunk in after graduation? Was it the coming-down feeling after the holidays? Was it the anxiety of the 5+ weeks between my husband's teacher paychecks from Dec - Jan? I really can't say, except for maybe all of it combined was just too much for me to handle. I was spending most mornings sleeping until noon, and when I got up, I played Bejeweled most of the afternoon. I would drag myself in to take a shower right before my kids got home from school.

And then, God blessed me with a really good job, though it's temporary, and my outlook on life shifted back to the land of the living. I began taking "Unglued" with me to work every day, and I read it (even reread a few chapters) when I stayed in for lunch. I even used my highlighter in some chapters of the book, which is highly unlikely for me. I used to highlight when I read, but I stopped for some reason... Hmmmmm.

So, I have to write about some specific things that I found out in this book. One thing that was very interesting to me was found in the back in the Appendix. There, on pages 194-196, I found out that I'm prone to being an "Internal Processor" and an "Internal Suppressor." What this means is that I'm a "Stuffer that builds barriers." Now, whether I "secretly" knew that or not, I'm not sure, but it was like a bell chimed quietly inside me.

In my own defense, I have had some rather difficult situations in my life. Thinking back on some of them now, I think I learned to not say anything in fear of retaliation when someone hurts me.

Tell someone they hurt your feelings, and they aren't your friend anymore.
Tell someone you love that you were hurt by their actions (or inactions), and they blame you for it.

The funny, yet interesting thing is that on the other side of the "Internal Processor" is the "External Suppressor," and at the heart of that intersection is the "Exploder that shames herself." Ouch, and that was me for a long time. It obviously didn't work too well, so I must have stopped at one point and changed over to the "other side." But I found that doesn't work well, either.

Building barriers with people you love and care about is not a good idea if you expect your relationships to flourish. Being aware of it does help when you are tempted to go to one place or another.

So, while I read this book, I found a few passages that screamed out my name.

"I've stopped positioning my life for miracles. In relation to my unglued struggles, somewhere along the line I stopped expecting God to work miraculously in me." (p.126)

Wow... when I examined myself in relation to those statements, I found that I was right there with Lysa.

"In short, God designed our bodies to respond to our thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to a crisis response - activating us physically but hindering our thinking. Positive thoughts allow us to process a situation accurately and respond in a healthy way." (p.143)

Negative thoughts has where I have found myself "naturally" gravitating towards.

"I'm not good enough."
"I'm not worthy of having good friends."
"I'm not..."


I find that if I am keenly aware of this shortcoming in myself, I can call it what it is. Maybe I can get out sooner than later.

There is so much I could say about this book, but I'm going to let it speak for itself. I would wholeheartedly recommend "Unglued" to everyone. While it was written for women, I think men would get something out of it, as well. And if you really want your life to change, you will be looking for resources full of life-giving wisdom to guide and help you. This book would most definitely be one to do it.

(image is from www.dayspring.com)

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Query Letters and Me

I'm in the process of researching agents, literary agencies, etc. I have come up with what I think is a decent query letter. Each of the agents ask for different information, so it's tough to write in template form...

"Annie finds out that things are not always what they appear to be, and even though she is surprised and caught off-guard, she learns unexpected blessings can be waiting around the next corner."

My book centers on the epidemic of domestic violence. The story begins when Annie Phillips, who lives in Denver, receives a phone call that her sister, Piper, who lives in Boston, has disappeared. She immediately makes plans to travel to Boston to search for Piper. Their sister, Patty Baker, who lives in Springfield, IL, and brother, Paul, who lives in Indianapolis, meet Annie in the Chicago airport, and the three travel on to MA. They meet Piper’s boss, Ben Marshall, who gets his friend, Ted Young, who is a PI, to assist them, and the five go on a journey to find Piper. This is the first book of several in the series about the Phillips family and the effects that domestic violence has on individuals.


My name is Christina Hammer, and I am a 23-year survivor of domestic violence. I am very passionate about helping DV victims rebuild their lives. I have been writing short stories and poems since I was very young, though I am unpublished at this time. I recently graduated from Texas Woman's University (after starting my college journey in 1990) with a Bachelors in General Studies with emphasis in English and Sociology. I am looking forward to publishing my first book, including the process."

They also might ask for several pages (or chapters) of the book, so here is the first ten pages of my book, "Around the Next Corner."

"CHAPTER ONE
Crimson and auburn leaves from the vibrant maple trees abandoned their source of life and twirled in the blustery wind flowing into the valley. Annie stood by her front door and watched as the yellow school bus disappeared, leaving the most valuable of parcels on the sidewalks. The cheerful orange bowl was strategically placed on the side table by her front door and held an assortment of candies. She turned on the porch light, locked the screen door, and walked into the large and very cozy living room. The outdoor surroundings reminded her of a Norman Rockwell-like scene, as she observed from the sizeable window in her townhouse. Annie smiled, sipped her hot chocolate, and anticipated an eventful night. She sat down in her favorite chair with an old photo album and waited. It was Halloween, All-Hallows Eve, October thirty-first. This was one of Annie’s favorite nights, not only because of the excitement from the costumes and candy, but because of the memories it brought back from growing up in a small Kansas town.

Annie’s mother, Debbie, usually designed and created the Halloween costumes for her kids each year. She started preparing just after Labor Day, which only sparked the expectations. Part of the fun was that Halloween wasn’t just one day for them; it lasted for weeks! The commercial and historical meaning of Halloween wasn’t important to them; the most important part was the special costumes their mother so lovingly crafted for them. Bill, Annie’s father, and Debbie escorted their kids around their neighborhood each year so they could trick-or-treat. And sometimes, they even dressed in costumes, too.
As Annie scanned her photo album and listened to The Weather Channel, she lingered especially on the pictures displaying her parents. As her finger caressed a picture of Debbie’s face, a tear formed in her eye. She missed them; she always missed them during special occasions, especially Halloween.

The doorbell rang, and Annie quickly, but carefully, closed the cherished album, placed her cup on the side table, and wiped her eyes with the backs of both hands. Her little dog, Chuckles, a Pomeranian/Yorkie mix, a “Porkie,” as he was called, was the first one to the door. Annie’s excitement was growing inside as she galloped toward the door. She believed it was almost as fun to give the treats out as it was to receive them.

Annie threw the door open with a teasing smile, and said, “Hey, kids! What’s goin’ on?”

“Trick or treat!” The four of them squealed in unity. The nurse and her patient, Rocky, and Bullwinkle were Annie’s neighbor’s kids.

Annie dropped a handful of candy into each of their bags, as they crouched down to pet Chuckles. Annie waved to Carole, their mother, who was waiting on the sidewalk.

“You kids be good! And be careful!” Annie added.

“Thank you, Miss Annie! Bye, Chuckles!” And they all scurried away.

“See you soon, Carole!” Annie yelled into the wind. Carole waved back, as the kids grabbed her hands and continued to run down the sidewalk.

When Annie didn’t see anyone else coming at that point, she closed the door and sat back down. The weather anchor was warning the viewers of a snowstorm that was headed straight into Denver. It was to arrive in a couple of days, and Annie started panicking when she remembered that her car had not been winterized yet. She was so busy with work that she completely forgot about getting it done.

“What about that, Chuckles?” Annie asked the fluffy little dog, as he looked out of the window again.
Before she forgot about it again, Annie went into the kitchen and picked up the notepad on the refrigerator. As she pulled the pen out of the drawer and started writing herself a reminder to get it done, her home phone rang. None of her friends used that number, so it was mainly solicitors and people she didn’t necessarily know. She only needed that line for internet purposes, and she never expected any calls from it. Annie didn’t recognize the number from the caller ID, but she did recognize 617 as from the Boston area, where her sister, Piper, lived. However, Annie thought if it was Piper, she would surely have called from her cell phone.

“Hello?” Annie asked hesitantly.

“Um, hello… Is this Annie Phillips?” The male voice on the other end inquired.

“May I ask who’s calling please?” She queried, not wanting to give out too much information.

“Well, this is Ben Marshall. I’m looking for the sister, Annie Phillips, of one of my employees,” he offered.

“Who is your employee?” Annie questioned.

“My employee’s name is Piper Phillips, and she left this number to call in case of an emergency, Ma’am. If you aren’t Annie Phillips, I’m sorry for bothering you,” Ben stated.

“No, Mr. Marshall,” she said. “I am Annie Phillips, but I wanted to verify your identity because my friends don’t necessarily use this number.”

“Oh, I understand, Ms. Phillips. I’m calling about your sister, Piper,” he offered.

“What happened?” Annie asked, feeling her pulse rise. “You can call me Annie, but is my sister okay?”

“Ms. Phillips, um, Annie, that’s why I’m calling. Piper has had some, let’s say, struggles, lately, and she gave me explicit instructions to call only you if I hadn’t heard from her for a period of time… and that specific period has passed,” he said.

“I’m sorry that I really don’t know what to say. All I can tell you is that she hasn’t been at work all week, and I haven’t heard from her, either, which is concerning me.”

“Well, why didn’t you call me before now, Mr. Marshall?” Annie asked, trying to keep her rising hysteria to a low level.

“Annie, please call me Ben. I am only following Piper’s instructions, and I’m sorry,” he said. “But she had specific guidelines.”

“Okay… Mr., Ben… Okay…” Annie answered, not quite sure what to do. “Alright, Ben, are you telling me that my sister is…missing?”

“Well, yes, Annie, I am telling you that I believe that Piper is missing,” he said. “I don’t know that for sure, but I haven’t heard from her for a week, and her cell phone appears to have been disconnected.”

The panic continued rising in Annie.

Think, Annie… think!

“Ben, I’m going to have to call you back,” Annie said, trying to not cry. “Please give me your number,” and she wrote it down as her hand continued to shake. “Is this your cell phone number, or is it a work number?”

“This is my work number I’m calling from, but I will give you both numbers,” Ben said.

Annie thanked him for his call, told him she would call him back in a few minutes, and they hung up.

Think! Think!
She didn’t even know where to begin.

Just then, the doorbell pierced the silence, Chuckles barked excitedly, and Annie walked slowly to the door. Composing herself, she unlocked the door and opened it to see Spiderman, and couple of ballerinas.

“Trick or treat!” They screeched. Annie attempted to smile and mindlessly threw some candy in their bags. She waved at the woman in the street, who was obviously their parent. After the kids were safely back with their parent, she closed and locked both the screen door and the inside door. Annie also turned off the porch light to signal she was out of candy, which technically wasn’t true.

Annie went back into the kitchen, and leaned on the cabinet, head down.

What happened to Piper? What should I do? My cell phone! Where is it?

Chuckles had followed her, and now lay by her feet.

She went back to the living room, closed the blinds, and rummaged through her purse. When Annie found her phone, she sat down and thought about whether to call her sister or brother. She didn’t wait long before nervously dialing the cell phone number for her sister, Patty.

“Patty?” It’s me, Pip,” Annie said, trying to contain her anxiety of the news she had to deliver to her sister.

Annie’s brother, Paul, was the first baby born to Bill and Debbie Phillips, and he was actually almost an only child. They had almost given up hope of having another baby, but when Paul was almost ten, he received a little sister, Patricia, for Christmas. Piper was born three years later, and Annie was born four years after Piper. Even though all of the Phillips children were special, Annie was considered a blessing because she was an unexpected gift. There was fifteen years difference between Annie and Paul, but her older brother always made her feel that she was an integral part of his life, just as he did with Patty and Piper.

Interestingly, Bill, and Debbie didn’t continue their pattern of “P” names. Annie was sure they had their private reasons, but Bill and Debbie told everyone it was because the name, Annie Daniella, means “Grace, favored, and miracle.” So, when she was just a baby, her siblings gave her the name of Pippy, just so her name would fit in with theirs. No one, except family, ever knew her as Pippy.

She couldn’t get the words out before the sobs started deep inside her throat.

“What is it? Pip, you’re scaring me,” Patty said nervously.

“Okay… Okay…” Annie said, trying to contain her emotions.

She relayed to Patty the story Ben Marshall had communicated to her when he called, and then she asked her sister what they were going to do. Of course, Patty, too, was at a loss. Obviously, someone was going to have to make the trip to Boston and search for Piper. Who was it going to be?

Patty was a wife and mother, so it was going to be nearly impossible for her leave her family to go to Boston. As for Paul, he had a busy job, so Annie didn’t think he wouldn’t be able to go, either. Fortunately, Annie had several weeks of vacation pay built up, but she didn’t know if she could leave on such short notice.

Annie told Patty that she would call her back, and she immediately called her boss and best friend, Sarah. She relayed to Sarah the whole story that Ben had given her, and then explained the reasons Paul and Patty couldn’t travel to Boston.

“Annie, seriously, calm down for a minute,” Sarah said. “Listen, whatever you need, just do it. Work is slow right now, and I’ll put in your vacation days right now. You have like six weeks built up anyway. Plan on leaving tomorrow morning. Come by the office at 10:00, and I’ll take care of having your ticket information and papers ready for you to sign,” Sarah said, taking charge. “It’ll be okay. Can I help you pack tonight? Do you need help?”

“I’m sure I’ll be okay tonight, but could you please take care of Chuckles while I’m gone?” Annie asked. “Would that be okay? Oh, can you check on my place, too?” she added.

“Ann, don’t worry… I’ll pick Chuckles up tomorrow after work and take him home with me, and yes, I will check on your place,” Sarah said. “Whatever you need.”

After they hung up, Annie’s cell phone rang, and it was Paul. She couldn’t even say hello, as the sobs started again.

“Listen, Pip, I need to check with my company, but I’m pretty sure that I can get off for a few days, so I should be able to meet you there,” he said.

Annie was relieved to know she wouldn’t be alone as she searched for what had happened to her sister, especially in a city she didn’t know.

She returned the call to Ben Marshall and informed him she would be arriving in Boston sometime the next day, and she would let him know exactly when. He gave her the address to the office, and she filed it carefully in her purse, along with all of the other information and phone numbers she had.

After Annie packed, she sat back down in her living room. Chuckles jumped up on her lap, snuggling between her leg and the chair. As she stroked his soft hair and watched him fall asleep, she closed her eyes while her mind went back to the sound of Ben Marshall’s voice telling her he believed Piper was missing. Annie knew there were some things she probably didn’t know about her older sister because she had been less than forthcoming with the details of her life lately. No one in the family really understood why, so this would be an eye-opening trip… if they could even find Piper.

Was she running away from something? What was it?

CHAPTER TWO
Annie experienced a very restless evening. She went to bed later than usual, and then she lay in bed for most of the rest of the night, staring at the ceiling, watching the clock as the minutes ticked by endlessly.

When she got up early the next morning, Annie bundled herself up and took Chuckles for a run. She knew it was cold, but she needed to do something to help her feel better. By the time they returned home, it was time to pack the rest of her clothes, shower, and get ready to go to the office. Before she went to the front door with her suitcase, Annie picked Chuckles up, hugged him tight, and told him that she would be home soon.

At least I hope I will.

She also had a distinct feeling that things wouldn’t be the same when she returned. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen in Boston, but whatever it was, she knew that she would be different somehow.

Driving to the office seemed to take forever, though it was only about a fifteen minute drive from the townhouse Annie had purchased two years prior. It was a new construction, was in an excellent location, as it was close to church and work, and she had neighbors who were also her friends. She truly believed that God gave her a job in Denver for a reason, and she was definitely not disappointed with her life there.

Annie grew up in a very close-knit family. Her parents were married when they were just out of high school, and they were married for over forty years. Unfortunately, a horrific car accident stole their lives too soon just a few years earlier. It was right after Annie graduated from college and moved to Denver. It was a rainy night, a wrong-way driver, and a steep embankment. And they were gone. Just like that.

Being a Christ-follower, she had hope that she would see them again, in eternity, but it’s difficult for a young woman, who has yet to be married and have babies, to be without her mom and dad. It was a very tough situation. There wasn’t a day that went by that Annie didn’t think of them. And sometimes she questioned God as to why this happened to her family, but she always received the same answer.

Why NOT you?

God must have thought she could handle the trials that came her way, and she clung to the verses in James that say, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you will be mature and complete, no lacking anything.”

Okay, Lord, I’m going to try to trust You."

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Getting Excited Again!

So, today I went through my handwritten notes I wrote when I was talking on the phone to Michelle. And I typed them. Yes, perfectionist at work! Actually, I typed them so I could remember everything she said. My writing was so "hodge-podge," and I needed to organize it. So, I did. I became excited again as I read through what she told me! The possibility my book could be on bookshelves sometime this year really just makes me want to cry. I have wanted this for so long, but there have been times I have been discouraged and quit dreaming. Fortunately, I think I'm back to dreaming again, but knowing these dreams really could come true. And after being on the book-launch for Jill Savage's "No More Perfect Moms," and sharing my dreams with the launch team, Jill said she'd be happy to give me some counsel, too. What a blessing that is! So, I would certainly say it's been a good week here for me. I know that not all weeks will be like this, but for now, I'm basking in the excitement and encouragement I've received. It's been good for my soul, for sure.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What are we...if we don't Dream?

Last fall, I won a contest through a Twitter contest from Samsung. The contest was hashtagged #DontWait, and I wrote that I wanted to be a published author. I won a Samsung tablet and a meeting with someone in the literary arena. I received the tablet close to Christmas, and today was the day I spoke with Author, Michelle Richmond. And I have to say... It was AWESOME! She was knowledgeable, smart, and fun. It's not very often an opportunity like that comes around. I had several questions I wanted to ask her, and she willingly answered all of them. I'm even more excited to continue on my journey of getting my first book published. And, more than ever, I'm seriously believing it will happen. After all, it's already been written, and I have the Publishing Contract right here! I like what my son, Jonah said. He's home today after going to the doctor, and I told him that I was more nervous before talking to Michelle than I was when I went for my job interview. He said something so profound. "It's because this is bigger." That is the truth. So, thank you, Michelle, for your time, and using your talent and abilities to help a dreaming girl (or middle-aged woman) to pursue her lifelong goal of becoming a published author. I really appreciate it! You can check out Michelle's website at http://michellerichmond.com/

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Choices and Consequences

From other blog - (June, 2011)

Growing up is so hard.  Disciplining your children is hard, too.  I think it's worse when they get older.  When they are little, you can "make" them go to bed, go to their rooms, spank them if you do that, etc.  When they get older and make bad decisions, the trickle down effect of those decisions is painful, at best, for both child and parent.

My son has made some bad decisions in the last few weeks.  The trouble is he is a good liar.  I am a good lie detector, but he fools even me.  I don't really worry when my kids who are bad liars tell lies because I know they will be found out.  However, the good liar has his suave ways of skirting around things... for a time.

Unfortunately, the consequences of one bad decision, or even two, can harm future privileges.  You would think that he would know this!  Tonight, he had a crying meltdown.  The horrible thing was all I could do was stand there and snicker (I know; I'm a terrible mother!), really just laugh in disbelief, that he was so upset at the consequences of his behavior, like we would trust him so soon after the last incident (two days ago).

I feel bad for them, you know?  I remember being young, making stupid decisions and getting caught.  I remember I received no mercy from my parents, but I do give (sometimes a heaping mound) much grace to my kids.  I know they think I'm mean, maybe that I don't remember what it was like growing up.  The thing I try to tell them is that I DO remember growing up.  Yes, some of the things I did were so ridiculous, as I was a terrible liar, but they don't seem to be as serious as what is going on in the world with our children today.

For instance, we didn't have cell phones back then.  In fact, we were only allowed rotary phones in our small town.  So, my parents placed a push button phone in my room.  I could not dial out, but I could talk on it.  Didn't really help much when I was trying to make late night phone calls and got caught in the kitchen dialing on the gold rotary phone!

I also never cut classes at school.  We lived two blocks from the school, and there was no place to go.  I knew my mom would have found out, and I would have been in severe trouble.

But when it came right down to it, I did the wrong things over and over again.  Sometimes I was caught, and sometimes I wasn't.  I think maybe they just picked their battles or maybe the situation was too volatile.  I don't really know.  What I do know is that being a parent is just so difficult at times.  There are sometimes that I just want to say, "Well, okay, we'll let you off of your grounding, just this once..." But we have been burned before, in fact, just recently, by that, and I doubt that will happen again.

I told him earlier that this should be a lesson that things that seem to be pleasurable but are the wrong things to do will turn around and bite you in the behind.  Then, you are stuck with the consequences of what you have done.  And sometimes the people you care about, your friends and family, will also have to deal with the consequences... like you not getting to fly on a plane to see your friend.  A trip that you have been waiting for since last summer.  And your friend is very angry right now because he sees that it wasn't important enough for you to be good.

Things like that.

I wish that we could just take pain away from them at times, but this, unfortunately, is learning 101.  Not fun, but necessary in the lessons of maturity, responsibility and life.

Not Every Open Door is From God

As a perfectionist in recovery, I realize it's ridiculous to have three blogs. So, I'm merging two of them together. There aren't many entries from the other blog, so here we go. It doesn't have to be perfect, right?!

Not every open door is from God.
          Wow. That sentence hit me like an arrow in the heart. After assuming for my whole adult life that open doors only come from above, I felt like the pieces of my life, my judgment-making skills, my suppositions, and maybe even some of the final decisions my husband and I had made for our family may have been mistaken for being God’s will… but maybe they weren’t. I do believe that God can take things that we have messed up, misunderstood, and mistakes we have made, and weave them into something that still works into His will for our lives. Unfortunately, sometimes mistakes take you on a lengthier and more challenging road to your destination.
          Our pastor explained it like this… the way to determine whether an open door is from God, or not, is from three sources; Godly counsel, circumstances, and God’s Word. In addition, the open door will bring peace and comfort.
          This message really made me consider some of the decisions we have made. For instance, though the circumstances appeared to work in our favor, I’m not completely certain that we had counsel about our move from Missouri to Arkansas. We had been praying for God to give an opportunity for Jim to get back into teaching, and because there were no positions in the Kansas City metro area, we started looking outside the state… it appeared that Arkansas was our destiny because that’s where the open door was. The odd thing was I wasn’t afraid at first. For me, I considered that to be more confirmation.
          You see, for the majority of my life, I had a fear of change, and I think it crippled me in many ways. Fortunately for me, the Lord knew my weaknesses, and He paired me up in 1991 with a man who embraced change. And, consequently, he scared me, too. After being newly divorced from someone who used me, and abused me, I was so afraid to put myself completely out there, being vulnerable, and taking chances on being hurt again. With my mouth, I said I was ready to give my all, but my heart was still battered, still bruised, and bleeding. I wanted so much to move on into what is considered to be a real relationship built on trust, honesty, and love. But it’s hard for someone who had been so damaged to be healed in such a short period of time. Because of this, I also hurt the man I married. Obviously, it was unintentional, but as the saying goes, “hurt people hurt people.” Not meaning to, I lived up to that saying.
          During the time where I was being abused in all sense of the word, I stayed as far away from my friends, family, and church as I could. I guess I knew that they would be able to see through the façade, and they would know the truth: My life was a sham, and I was being shattered with every day I stayed in that situation. I believed the lie that I could smile, sweep it all under the rug, and it would go away. That is so untrue! It only comes back again, and again, and if I was not totally healed, then it would continue to come back until I was. And that was the cycle in which I continued for many years.
          Something great would happen, and then the enemy of my soul would try to deceive me, or accuse me, or present with something dangerous, maybe even something meant for catastrophe. And I would succumb to the feelings of worthlessness, and agony that my poor decisions brought into my life. This rotation continued to plague for quite some time. However, Jesus was still waiting for me to see what our relationship was meant to be, and I think He picked the perfect moment for my eyes to be opened because I remember it well, although it’s been almost twenty years.
          Along with my commitment to making Jesus the Lord of my life, not just my Savior, came a life of change. I had to comprehend that just because something stayed the same for a long time didn’t necessarily mean that it was God’s best design for me. To grow, you have to change… I had to change, and I finally understood.
          I have no doubt, at all, that moving from Wichita to Enid was a move that God called us to make. We had already been through so many issues, so many problems, things that would make any “normal” couple break up, and run as far away from each other as they could get… as fast as they could go. But we were still together after four breakups, talk of divorce, possible infertility, and infidelity. God obviously had plans for our marriage that transcended anything we would do to devastate our lives. And I have to say for that, I am eternally grateful.
          We prayed for answers, we prayed for each other, and we knew that we needed to make a drastic move in order to pursue the dreams we had. He wanted to be a high school theatre teacher, and I knew I wanted to be an elementary teacher, but more than anything, I wanted to be a wife, and mother. Going through Endometriosis treatment for several months was difficult, but the results were something that I never would have dreamed at the time... that God would bless us with not one, not two, but five sons.
          So, we talked to my grandma at Thanksgiving that year, 1993, right after our last big breakup, and subsequent cautious reunion, and she said that we could live in one of her rental houses, so we could attend Phillips University in Enid. I know my parents were not too sure about what was going to happen with our move. After all, in a span of two and one-half years, we met, got engaged a month later, I broke off the engagement two weeks before our August 3rd wedding date, we got back together, his son was born to another woman two days before our August 17th wedding, and he left me four times after that time. Only a couple of my trusted friends knew the whole story behind it all, how we were unfaithful to each other early on, and how that made our marital foundation very shaky. Guilt can plague and send you down a road to destruction if you let it.
I could understand anyone’s reservations because I had them, too. I had those questions looming in my mind, but the one that stuck out for so long was this: What if he leaves me again? Nevertheless, we still made plans to move to Enid. Open doors were all over that decision. Do I believe they were from the Lord? Indeed, I do.
          The blessings that flowed from our obedience were overwhelming. We found a church right away, which was something that was very important to us. We had decided that we would not just “settle” for the first church we attended. However, after one Sunday at Emmanuel Baptist Church, we just knew it was the place for us to make our church home. There was no “settling” in that choice. We met some really great friends right away, people who really cared about us, supported us, prayed for us, and people who were the embodiment of the word “friend.”
          Jim found several part-time jobs the first week he was there. He had to stay with my grandma for a few weeks while waiting for the tenants to move out of the house we would be living in. I was still in Wichita while I waited out the two-month notice I gave my boss, and while waiting to move out of our apartment. Because we had been apart several times, and had recently become more committed to each other, it was even more difficult being apart than I had even imagined.
          My main obstacle was my fear of resigning from a job that I felt really saved me. I started working there in January of 1989, right before I had the courage to leave my abusive first husband. I felt that the job gave me the beginning of bravery, strength, and confidence to move on with my life without him. I had been through a lot of emotional pain, and growth in my personal life while working there.
          I started as a Computer Operator and Purchasing Clerk. I loved the duties of the job. After a fire destroyed our floor, and several other areas of our building, I applied for another position in a different department, and I got it. I was so excited about it, and I excelled. My new boss and I were very close, and she knew a lot of the details, and struggles of my life. I trusted her completely, and she was very concerned when I gave her my notice. I had told her one other time that we were thinking about moving to Idaho, and I was very glad that she gave me some time to think about it before she replaced me. But this time was different, and we knew it. I had been there for five years, and it was hard saying goodbye to something I knew, and moving to something I didn’t.
          I finally joined Jim in Enid in February, and within two weeks, I had a full-time job opportunity at a bank. I was very excited about it, but I had no clue of the blessing that would be coming my way in just a few short weeks. This journey was full of God’s blessings, and his grace in giving a girl who had made some terrible decisions a fresh start on life, and love.
           (Part II to come)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

"No More Perfect Moms" Book Review

I finished the book! As with any ending, it was sad and exhilarating at the same time. I would certainly recommend buying this book when you can. If you purchase from February 4th - 9th, there will be a great promotion going on!

I have placed my review for the book on three sites, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Christian Book. Here it is:


"As a mom of five boys, I’m always looking for resources on raising kids. I love to read, and I have all kinds of books on kids and marriage. Even though they are wonderful, what I really need is something to help me, personally, as a woman.

Jill Savage’s new book, “No More Perfect Moms – Learning to Love Your Real Life” is just the “medicine” for mothers who feel that they “have to be” perfect and might be discouraged when they aren’t. Jill is a mother, herself, so she has experience, and that even makes the ideas in this book more authentic and beneficial to the reader. She encourages the reader to step away from trying to be perfect, and step towards being real. She addresses many subjects where we tend to expect perfectionism; our bodies, marriages, kids, homes, homemaking, and everyday life.

This is an awesome book! It reminded me that, in expecting perfection from myself, I also expected it from other people (my family included), and that places expectations on others they just cannot live up to. Savage ties it all together with a chapter about our perfect God, and a great appendix on “Where to Find Help When Feeling…”

I would certainly recommend this book to any and every woman. I think it’s great to read alone, and it would also be excellent as part of a book club, or Bible study group. It’s helped me look at things differently, and has been very inspiring and positive."

Being on the launch team, I was given an autographed copy of the book, and it's so awesome that Jill took the time to sign them all, to personalize them for each of us. Even though I read the book online, I still plan on sitting down with the hard copy in my hands and reading it again.  

Jill Savage is the real deal! I would encourage you to go over to her website at: http://www.hearts-at-home.org. You will find encouragement!