Church Shouldn't Be a Lonely Place

Confession…

We don’t have a church home.

And it isn’t because we love Jesus less. We just can’t find “the” place where our hearts have found a home.

We have been involved with at least two good churches since coming to Texas, but in the 2-1/2 years we were at one, we didn’t really “do life” with any couples. To clarify, there were four couples we were friends with, but we hardly ever got together. And the reason we met in the first place was because the husbands were in a Bible study together on Saturday mornings. And then:

One couple moved to Oklahoma.

One couple is moving east to be near family.

One couple is moving closer to the husband’s work.

One couple lives a mile from us, but they are so busy with their young family, and he works a lot. Just like Jim.

The other church we were a part of, and even served in, is a wonderful church. But it’s 22 miles from our house, and it’s hard to be involved when you live that far away. There are people from all around the area who attend there, and it really is a great place. We went there for almost a year, serving, too, and we ended up, again, with no friends. Oh, we had acquaintances, but none who really took an interest in our family, who called us up one night and asked if we could meet for dinner, or invited us to their homes.

It’s very lonely going to church when you have no authentic friends.

Living in AR was tough, but one good thing that came out of our time there was friends. We had friends we did life with! They were our family when we were away from ours. We saw them Easter 2012 when Jim was asked to be a part of the Easter service at NLC. When we were standing in the foyer before church, our friends said hello to us as they walked by. Then, they did a double-take when they realized we were actually there in person! It was so great!

Now, I’m not saying this to instigate a pity party. What I am saying is that maybe things should be different.

Maybe when new families come into your church, you should make a point of getting to know them. Don’t just welcome them, make sure they’re saved and baptized, and then request and expect them to serve right away. Sometimes they need some friends to connect with. Serving with friends is so much better than serving without. And it makes you want to serve even more when you think that someone values you for you, not just for what you can do for them.

We are still looking for a place where we can connect. We have visited another church, and we plan on going back. However, it’s almost easier to not go anywhere than to go through the disappointment of not being seen one more time.

And that is just honesty.

Yes, I realize that the Bible says we shouldn’t give up meeting together. But it also says to do life together, and we haven’t found it yet here in Texas. And it's been almost 4 years.

Oh, we will find it again. It’s just taking longer than it ever has.

Age is a Double-Edged Sword

Age is a double-edged sword.

When you’re a young person, you can’t wait to grow up.

I can’t wait to drive.

I can’t wait to date.

I can’t wait to graduate.

I can’t wait to be married.

I can’t wait to buy a house.

I can’t wait to have kids.

I can’t wait to have grandkids.

I can’t wait to die.

Wait! Does anyone really say that last statement?

Desiring to grow up when you’re young is normal. I have never known a child who says “I want to be a kid my whole life!” Though, as an adult, he/she may still act like a child, all the while thinking he is acting like an adult.

I am no different than anyone else. I wanted to grow up and be an adult; I really thought I could handle it. Being in charge of my own life, my own money, my own apartment, it sounded very alluring when I was a teenager. I was considerably mature, had some goals in life, and I thought I could handle it.

Then, Life came along and turned me upside down, shook me hard, and left me broken and bruised, lying on the ground. But I picked myself up, dusted (and dusted) myself off, and I’ve come a long way in those years. Every now and then, though, Life comes back and tries to discourage me again. I’ll admit that sometimes it does, but again, I pick myself up and shake off the dust.

I’m now 47 years old, soon to be 48, and I have discontinued the “I can’t wait” statements after I can’t wait to have kids. I know some people look forward to the next phase in life, having grandkids, but I’m still seated in the chair of wanting my own kids to stay kids, if only a little longer.

I don’t want them to make the same mistakes I did when I was young. I have found, however, that no matter how you might want it for them, they have minds of their own. And wills of their own. And lives of their own. And they have to live with the consequences of their own decisions while parents stand by and watch, wishing all the time that they would have listened to the wisdom that comes from those who have gone through these things before.

But why should we think they would be any different than we were at their age? Did we think Mom and Dad really had the answers to all of life’s questions?

While my parents were not perfect, they were right on many levels.

All I can hope is that someday, my kids, while contemplating the reasons their children do the things they do, look back and say that they learned from us in some fashion. Maybe they’ll wish they would have listened more. Maybe they’ll try to teach their kids not to wish their life away.

And hopefully, they will understand the love it takes to let someone go into this world and make their own mistakes… all the while, lifting them up to the only One who can save them.

Is God Really Here?

Have you ever had a time when you doubted God’s presence in your life? I have. 2010 was one of the times. Actually, 2006-2009 was like that, too. Looking back, however, I think that 2010 was the culmination of it all.

 

We moved from MO to AR in the fall of 2006, and that began a journey that was nothing less than excruciatingly painful. There were times that were alright, and I did try to make the most of it. But when we made the decision to move to TX in the fall of 2009, I was not expecting things to be as difficult as they were in AR.

We moved to Texas in November of 2009. Jim moved here in August, and our family was apart the majority of the fall. It put pressure on us that far outweighed many other things that happened, but there was an ending in sight. So, when we had Christmas that year, and we didn’t have any resources to buy Christmas presents for the boys, we were just grateful to be together. We were optimistic about 2010, and we didn’t cry when 2009 ended. However, we found the trying times weren’t quite over.

January 2010 began with our washer breaking down. Two weeks later, my uncle died unexpectedly. The next week, I started a job that I was not cut out for. I was upset every day while working there, so after 5 weeks, I resigned. That same week, our friend came to live with us for a while to get his life straightened out, and then I was diagnosed with Sciatica. The weekend my back/leg started hurting, my husband was out trying to find somewhere for me to go for a massage, thinking it would help, and he rear-ended someone. I missed all of the festivities with three of our kids for their birthdays because I was in so much pain for 5 weeks. And in May, Jim was rear-ended on the way to work. Trying to be nice, he didn’t call the police, but only took her name and contact information. Probably an illegal, she never paid like she promised, so we were out our deductible to get the car fixed… again. And all of this within 5 months!

We kept thinking that, surely, things would get better… right?

In June, our friend moved out while we were all angry with each other. In July, our door was busted in by someone, though they didn’t steal anything. Jim and I tried to help an elderly lady, and she was difficult, at best, being verbally abusive to both of us.

Furthermore, we were going through a Deed in Lieu of Foreclosure agreement with the bank regarding our house in Arkansas, and it ended badly. In January, we received a final billing from the electric company on the AR house. I thought this odd because I paid the bill. When I called them, they said the bank called and took over the billing. Of course, I didn’t know how the process worked, so it sounded legitimate. Unfortunately, the bank didn’t know what they were doing because they neglected to pay the electric bill, which caused the power to be shut off… which caused the basement to flood because of the sump pump… which caused black mold in the basement… which caused the Deed in Lieu of Foreclosure to be rejected. Because of the bank’s negligence, we were headed for Foreclosure instead.

In August, we received notice that our lease would not be renewed for the house we were living in. Then we received the official foreclosure notice. Then, I got into “words” with our friend who had lived with us.

I really felt like I was being battered emotionally. I didn’t have anything else to give to anyone, and I didn’t want to, either. I didn’t even know if God cared what was going on with us. It was a chore to get up and dressed every day, but I tried.

I found out that Kari Jobe was going to be leading worship at her home church, Gateway, on a particular weekend, and I talked Jim into going. Several times that week, God had reminded me of Romans 8. It was crazy how many times those verses had come up! And then, that Saturday night, the teaching pastor spoke on, you guessed it, Romans 8! It was obvious that God was still working in my life, even though we were going through so much, and I felt so alone.

One day, I drug myself out of bed, even though I didn’t want to, and I went to a Bible study at church. “So Long, Insecurity” was the study, and I can honestly tell you that it changed my life. It made me look at things differently, and I started getting through two days, and then three. I also got a job at our church, taking care of children while their parents attended Celebrate Recovery and other church functions. And I didn’t feel alone anymore.

When 2010 came to a close, we were in a nice, new house, I had a part-time job, and things were seriously looking up for our family. This doesn’t mean that we have not had trials since then. What it does mean is this: when our cars break down, or our kids have problems, or we start to feel alone, I compare the here and now to the year of 2010, and it doesn’t seem so bad. I see that God’s hands, lovingly taking care of us in the middle of that horrible year, and I am convinced that He will definitely be taking care of us now. It may not be in the way we hope, but it IS in the way that is best for us.

I’m reminded of Romans 8…

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:18-end

If you feel alone, or you wonder whether God is there, you can be assured that nothing, nothing, will ever separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

Around the Next Corner - Amazon Kindle

I did it!

I decided to go ahead and publish my first book, Around the Next Corner, on Amazon Kindle. To say I'm excited is an understatement! I didn't really know how I would feel seeing my book out there for anyone to read, but it's pretty exciting! And scary.

Honestly, I've had thoughts of nervousness over the last few days about it.

What if no one likes it?
What if no one reads it?
What if it gets bad reviews?

The good thing is this: I know that I don't live in the "what if's" of life. I believe that God gave me this story to tell as a healing process for my own life as well as to help someone else. So, instead of thinking about the negative "what if's," I'm choosing to think of the positive ones.

What if this helps someone leave an abusive relationship?
What if this is used as a catalyst for forgiveness within a family relationship?
What if this brings even more awareness to domestic violence?
What if an editor or publisher sees it and likes it?

I didn't write this book to promote myself. I wrote it in hopes of helping someone escape an abusive relationship and know she could have a good life.

I hope a lot of people read it. Sure! But, more than anything, I hope Jesus is glorified through the story of Piper Phillips and her family.

Learning Something New

My sister-in-law made a scarf for my mother that she raved and raved over. Mom thought I should learn how to make them, so I got in touch with my sister-in-law and found out what kind of yarn she used. I went out and bought it yesterday along with knitting needles, which I have never been able to use. I tried to learn knitting when I was a teenager, but I wasn't coordinated enough to do it.

After going to college full-time for the last two years, and being done since December, I can feel myself feeling anxious. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm so accustomed to learning new things, it's been tough. And even though I started working six weeks ago for a CPA and have learned that system, I guess it wasn't enough for my brain. Or may it's been too much at times.

I thought I needed something to do with my hands that wasn't computer related. So, after I got the last two weeks' mail opened and sorted, and after I washed our sheets, and whatever else (I can't remember), I sat down with those knitting needles and yarn while watching the tutorial on youtube. And I watched it again and again. Finally, after watching a five minute video for over an hour, I thought I figured it out.

Until I let go of the needle, and all my work was ruined. Over and over again. And again.

It was so frustrating! But I persevered, and finally, about four hours later, I had a nice start. I put it away somewhere where no one will touch it, move it, look at it wrong, etc. :-)

The thing is if I don't pick up those needles and yarn again, all I will have is a "nice start." I want to finish that scarf well. It may not be perfect when it's done, but at least I know I can do it.

I think maybe the journey is just as important as the destination.

Helpful Writer Information

So, I've written this novel, and I think it's a pretty good story about family, domestic violence, and romance. I've been offered a publishing contract with a publishing company, but there is a fee. Everything I have read and heard from other people, companies, etc. have indicated that you should never be charged a fee to publish your work. They should be paying you.

In the Preditors and Editors website, http://pred-ed.com/pebw.htm, I found a helpful list of Book Publishers. In the entire alphabet, yes, A-Z, I only found 3 helpful websites, and only one was a publisher who is accepting unsolicited manuscripts... and only paper submissions. The other two were informational, basically. Good information, though.

I also read that you don't absolutely NEED an agent.

So, my question is this: How in the world do you get your book published? Many publishers are called "Vanity Presses," and many publishers are not recommended. I'm not interested in self-publishing, but is doing it on Amazon an option?

I'm not saying my novel is the best work of fiction in the world, that I think I am such a great writer that no one should reject me, or anything like that. What I am saying is this: domestic violence is a hot button topic in the world we live in, and it should be written about, if even in fictional form. I told myself that I would use the heartache and pain from that segment in my life to help other people, if at all possible. And that's what I want to do.

In all honesty, I'm really dealing with disappointment. I was hoping that it would happen!

I've always wanted to be a published author. And NOW is the time. I'm going to keep learning and growing, and I hope that one day, I can say it actually happened.

To Combine, or Leave as Separate?

2 blogs. 2 very different subjects. 1 very complex woman. What to do, what to do...

Back in my younger years, in fact, when I was 18, the age of my oldest son... I made some very stupid mistakes and became involved with a man who almost killed me. That sounds very dramatic, doesn't it? Unfortunately, it's the truth.

Several years ago, I created a blog to write about my experiences with it. For many years, I couldn't speak about it because of the shame and heartbreak it caused me. I think the hardest thing for me to face was the fact that I sold myself short. I wanted someone to love me so badly that I settled for someone who was not good for me... someone who wasn't who God has planned for me to marry. But I did it anyway.

So, out there in cyberspace lies a blog about domestic violence. It has stories that are true, yet unbelievable. Stories that are raw and sad, but it was my reality for six years. And while I'm not proud of what happened during that time, I am convinced that telling my story might help someone else get out of their living hell. If even only one person is saved, it's worth it.

I'm trying to decide what to do with that blog, http://leavingdvbehind.blogspot.com. I had actually compiled the stories into a manuscript, but it was lost in the big computer crash three years ago. And there, lying within the confines of my blog, I found my writings and were thankful they were saved. I've recently written another post and renamed the blog.

Because I also wrote a fictional story revolving around the subject of domestic violence, though the story doesn't necessarily focus on it, I've let the REAL story go... kind of. While the situations in my yet unpublished book, Around the Next Corner, are not based on real people or situations, the qualities of several characters are me. And the situations are fictional, but they could be true. I wonder what would happen if I try writing the real story again.

How different might it be from the last time I wrote it?

Well, for now, I'm going to keep these two blogs separate, but when my book is published, and I say that with determination and belief, I'll combine the two. Maybe.